


Closer

by Unaflor



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: 2x13 spoilers, Bromance, M/M, but it's more than that, clustin?, jay?, just kisses, tie scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-13 21:10:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14756363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unaflor/pseuds/Unaflor
Summary: “We really need to get you laid” says Justin. And he means it."Okay".





	Closer

**Author's Note:**

> 2x13 SPOILERS.
> 
> Tyler’s last scene never happens. Or at least not during the ball.
> 
> Disclaimer: Not only I do not own the characters nor the story, I’m also using some dialogues from 2x13.

“We really need to get you laid” says Justin. And he means it.

Clay frowns because he doesn't know what else he is supposed to do or to say, and because he wants to smile. Justin is a funny guy when he is not deliberately trying to be one, and that’s something Clay hasn’t known for too long. He likes knowing it now.  
There’s something that feels right about Justin saying those things, like it’s not an insult, it’s not a joke to make Clay feel uncomfortable. And Clay is not even sure it’s a joke, but that's also okay, he guesses. He wants to come across smart, pretend he doesn’t care at all, instead he says “Shut up”, because those are the only words he can think of. Then he _has_ to go and get his jacket to avoid what he knows it’s coming: that stupid world-enlightening smile that Justin smiles but not for others to see. Honestly, stupid smile.

“Seriously, Jensen. ‘Kay? You help me tie a tie, I would help you get laid”.

“I don’t need your help” Clay points out matter-of-factly.

“I-I know. I was just trying...Just saying”, and he is so concentrated with his tie Clay has to smile. What a cork. It seems amazing that this guy is the same Justin Foley from the athletes team, and by that, Clay means the bullies team. There, in his room, Justin is just a nice kid. Relaxed, honest, without pretensions. And Clay likes that. He likes thinking that maybe a space like this one they're sharing, for whatever that means, can turn the Athlete Justin Foley into the Cork Justin Foley who does the right thing even though it’s hard and smile smiles you could burn cities to the ground for. Maybe that’s what they all need in town. Not after Hannah, like everybody seems to think lately, but before, when Hannah was still alive and nothing seemed too serious but it already was. Maybe what they needed was a safe space to be and embrace themselves. A space to be honest about their feelings, so they wouldn't hurt other people concealing and hiding those feelings. Or themselves, that as well.

Of course it’s not just a space. It’s everything that comes with it: a supportive family, some friends to hold your back. And maybe a brother.  
He has to stop being cheesy. It has been happening a lot recently, and honestly, he has to stop. He sits down and doubts about asking what he wants to ask until he does it anyway.

“I mean, you...you’d had like a lot of sex, haven’t you?”

“Yeah. Had a good amount” replies Justin. He is smiling again. Jerk. Clay just nods, presses his lips together, tries to look like he is not impressed, because he is not, but then Justin finishes with his tie and smiles in a way Clay can’t get used to.

“You’re really proud of yourself, aren’t you?” he says, and now it’s his turn to be the smiley one while Justin gets to roll his eyes at him and bite his own words to say something like “shut up, Jensen” or “whatever”, a small victory for Clay. He is proud, though. And he is not truly ashamed of it. Not because of Clay Jensen, anyway. Clay has that way of making Justin feel it’s alright to be his silly, useless, sometimes moody and let down self. It’s not like Clay does anything special. He just keeps his thoughts to himself, he never judges, and maybe that’s just it, and it’s enough.

Clay makes Justin feel uncomfortable when he doesn’t pretend to, though, and it’s generally something related to that soft way he has of doing things when things involve Justin. And Justin will never admit it, but he is not sure he can’t take things any other way in this current state of his, all shattered inside and with sharp edges everywhere. Clay Jensen makes his bloody chest ache. But not completely in a bad way, thinks Justin, and not tonight. Definitely not tonight. Tonight they go to the ball and they feel small and try not to show it to other people. Tonight they pretend they are happy until they start to believe it, and that happens when Clay makes them go dancing instead of staying where they are, being other people’s happiness spectators from a comfortable sofa.

And when that song Jensen danced with Hannah sounds, there’s no other place for him to be but with Clay. Suddenly Jess dating Alex doesn't matter anymore, Bryce and his bullshit doesn’t matter anymore. Getting high, going for a drink, smiling back at that girl are not relevant anymore. What it is relevant is to find his way to Clay. And when he does, he finds out he is not the only nor the first one. That’s okay, he thinks. That’s what their chances to move on are made of, and that’s so much more than okay. Yet, he can’t really make himself move forward, joining the hug. He kind of wants to. His reputation is not the most important thing he has anymore. Actually, he doesn’t have anything but Clay and his family. And there he is, standing in front of Clay, in front of all of them, without doing anything because he doesn't know how to do anything anymore. He's just standing, looking at Clay’s eyes closed, pressed together as if that was the only way of holding all his shit together. And maybe it is.

When he opens his eyes, Clay just sees bits of bodies. An arm, some hair, someone’s head, a different arm, shoulders, Jess’ legs. He wonders if that’s what’s left of all of them, but he knows is more than that: if nothing else, what’s left is what all of them become together, a distortion of bodies with no beginning and no ending, where they are all mixed up. And then there’s Justin, standing some steps away, not doing much more than looking miserable like he always does. It takes a massive effort, so big that Clay think after it he could sleep for a whole week, but he finally manage to free an arm and reach for Justin to join in.

Stupid Jensen, all broken and crying and still gentle. Still kind. When Justin hides his face in someone else’s back (Zach’s, maybe?) and cries with both his eyes and his mouth closed, he doesn’t even understand why he’s crying.

…

“And what did you say?” asks Justin. He has his head resting on the passenger seat and his eyes closed, but occasionally he opens them to look through the window.

“Well… Mh. I.”

“Jensen” he says. He is now sitting properly, facing Clay, who shrugs like it’s not a big deal. “Tell me you said something to her. Any thing, really.” he is not surprised at all when Clay stays quiet. “Oh, Jensen, you dumbass. Seriously, we really need to get you laid”

“Okay” replies Clay. He is not looking at Justin, he keeps his eyes fixed on the road and the nacarat lights they are passing and leaving behind. He wants to see what Justin is doing right now so badly it’s killing him, but he keeps looking forward, grabbing the wheel with both his hands, tightly, tighter, as if he could just put everything he is feeling right now between his hands and the warm material covering the wheel.

“Okay” says Justin. Clay can’t see it but Justin is playing with his fingers, opening and closing his eyes, looking through the window how the Jensen’s house -his own house now- gets closer and closer to them. Or the car does. Not that it matters.

Justin waits until Clay parks the car before moving slowly towards him, all bright eyes and nakedness of some sort despite he is wearing all his clothes. Clay doesn't help him in any way. He doesn’t approach, he doesn’t stop him. He just stays there looking like he forgot how to breath, mouth slightly opened, just waiting for something to happen. _Fuck it_ , thinks Justin before kissing Clay. A voice inside his head says he’s ruining it all because he doesn’t know how to be happy anymore, if he ever knew or if he ever was. Another voice inside his head tells the first one to shut the fuck up, and none of them matter anymore when Clay pulls him closer and opens his mouth to Justin’s mouth.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed it. Any comments or suggestions are welcome (: I'm not used to write in English and this is clearly not my first language, so please be kind.


End file.
